i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
