woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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