So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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