"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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