living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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