i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
