we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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