It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
