Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What drink are we having for lunch?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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