So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
