The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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