I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
