Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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