Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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