It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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