chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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