The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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