you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
A+ Viking dick
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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