I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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She told me I should be a condom model.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
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I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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