Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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