Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
sick fucks of a feather flock together
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
