she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
