She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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