The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
