is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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