I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
