I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
