Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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