Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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