uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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