someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize