i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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