I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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