can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My dick has a subreddit
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
