Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize