Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
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I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
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If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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