Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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