My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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