I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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