Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
