TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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