i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
