So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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