We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
