So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
