the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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