man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
