I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
