the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
