walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
