morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
