i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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