And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
