my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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