What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The beer is more important than you right now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
