His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
