I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
