if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
