well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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