I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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