I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
