It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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