Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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