so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
