I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
