I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Randomize
