I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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