First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
