I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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