so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
