i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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